I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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