You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All the doctor said was why
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
