first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
