Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
