whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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