'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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