she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
