3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They took my balls.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
