I am in a vortex of obligation.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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