I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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