Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
