so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.