so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!