I smell stomach acid.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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