I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
