Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
