You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
