youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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