To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
