Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
