Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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