Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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