If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
