Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
