I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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