I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
