hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
