I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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