i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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