forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
