i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
