don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
