hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
