Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
