i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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