Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
