so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
