matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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