dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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