He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
