Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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