Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
