i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
