my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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