the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
