So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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