I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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