So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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