lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
did you just send me my own nude
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
