Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just cropdusted the office
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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