Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
