Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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