I'm really into asian looking animals
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
