im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
there is glitter all over my balls
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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