So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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