Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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