I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
