I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
