Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's shark week go big or go home
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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