Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
