as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
