He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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