i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
