I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
