I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
