MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
