Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
