just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What drink are we having for lunch?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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