There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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