you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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