I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
