Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
