She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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