I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
