They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
