just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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