SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize