Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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