I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
