I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
