YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
