you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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