no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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