I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
