she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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