Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sarcasm needs its own font
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
