Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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