Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
