Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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